May 13th marks the 35th anniversary of the sad passing of someone quite near and dear to me. Although it's difficult for me to believe that that much time has gone by, it has also prompted me to take action to write about memories that have been swirling around inside my mind for the last few weeks. I've been trying to analyze why certain cyclic patterns have repeated themselves over and over again in my life. Take, for instance, a simple 5-year interval pattern that left significant lasting impressions imprinted on to my psyche:
I don't remember anything of specific importance at the age of 3 in 1956 that transpired, other than my mother telling me I was knocked out cold by a 2x4 board with a piece of metal on the end by a wild neighbor kid. To those of you who know me, that probably explains everything about my personality right there, correct? Perry Como's smooth voice at Christmastime made everything feel cozy and warm.
In 1961, at the ripe old age of 8, I remember trying to emulate either a Catholic nun or a native American Indian in my lone imaginative play of the time, complete with costuming, scenarios and props. Ah, decisions, decisions. I was inspired by the painting hanging in my bedroom of a bareback-riding Indian chief, adorned in nothing more than an eagle-feathered headdress and loincloth, lifting his arms in prayer to the Great Spirit while sitting on his stallion at the edge of a cliff. Can't get much better than that for inspiration, can ya? At this time I also started getting interested in the newspaper and television news...Huntley & Brinkley deadpan, no less...hence my love of non-fiction started to develop.
By the time I turned 13 in 1966 I had started to bloom a little. My picture was in the local paper because of winning a violin scholarship; oddly enough I wasn't afraid of playing my solo in front of a few judges, let alone the entire population of my school at the time. In my quest to delve deeper into the local college campus library for it's numerous interesting resources (and it's numerous interesting male college students), I also was privileged to attend many concerts there. One that was profound was on July 2nd where college students were lighting fireworks INSIDE the auditorium while the surreal band known as 'Jefferson Airplane' played our ears out...Grace Slick's voice was really something back then. That year was filled with sounds from Cream to the Byrds to East Indian ragas to Yehudi Menuhin which started spurning me to investigate many different musical genres. Also, at this tender age, I started to explore the world of parapsychology in earnest and low-and-behold, my lifelong love affair with astrology was born.
Five years later (1971) having freshly graduated from high school, I procured one of the happiest employment experiences I've ever had as the Assistant Children's Librarian in my local Carnegie-type library building. When we moved in to a new building the signs didn't arrive in time for the grand opening, so I volunteered to make them all, along with some unique artwork that I later got commissions for. The parties we were invited to were nothing short of fabulous in those days. Believe me, librarians are livelier than you think! As if that wasn't enough excitement, I moved in to my own over-priced furnished apartment (I was one of the first in my group of friends to do so); complete with an adopted stray cat. I also proudly owned a father-refurbished, black, 1956 Volkswagon bug with a small rear window, a flywheel for an accelerator pedal and no heater during the middle of winter in Wisconsin. That was an exhilirating experience, to say the least.
In 1976, after the untimely passing of one of the most influential people of my life (the not extremely tall, dark-eyed and very handsome young Capricornian man of Armenian descent), I fled the only area I had ever known to be home. I wouldn't return until 20 years later and that was to visit his gravesite. He had introduced me to Led Zeppelin and like his spirit, some melodies haunt me to this day. With my two blond-haired, blue-eyed children in tow I transplanted in to other states, other dimensions, and ultimately in to a totally different life after a disaster of a first marriage. I had survived domestic violence, Hurricane Belle, seeing Gino Vannelli live in San Antonio, Lovin' Spoonful in Central Park of NYC and the spectacular Bicentennial celebration of our country on the Jersey shore of Barnegat Light.
I disco danced my way right out of the 70s and in to the beginning of 1981 having begun a lifelong medical career with a nationwide laboratory conglomerate as a supervisor, no less. At age 28, I looked and felt my best...and was fortunate to meet husband #2 very early in the year. I had my very first ferry ride across Puget Sound; seeing the skyline of the Seattle waterfront at night with all the lights glimmering was breathtaking. After a short, whirlwind courtship, a famous waterfall with an Indian name witnessed the vows spoken over water between man and wife. This was the year that I finally got to travel to Victoria, Canada (by water, as well), which I absolutely adore to this day. I also stopped smoking in this year shortly after getting married, and it was a good thing because a little over a year later I gave birth to my last child.
Stepping forward in time, by 1986 I again felt the impetus of motivational change. This time it centered around being able to raise and nurture my very talented child in combination with seizing the opportunity of getting a higher education for myself. This is nothing unusual as I'm usually always juggling many things at the same time. I started out by thinking that I'd use this education as a stepping stone to further my clinical career for future potential, but ended up finding out I was happier and my talents actually were best utilized as a 'glorified paper pusher' and consequently, I have been in the administrative end of the medical field ever since. It's good to find your career niche at some point in your life, even if it's later! This is the year when camping in Washington, travel to the Oregon Coast and staying in B&Bs became a steady passion.
By 1991 I had slowly climbed the mountain of entrepreneurial success, with all its rich experiences, in learning how to be in business for myself for many years. I had never looked back after that. By this time I was contracting my skills out and tutoring others (a pre-cursor to being an instructor, later). That part of me that sought to be independent was equally at ease enough to pat myself on the back when there was success, as well as, pull myself up by my bootstraps when there was not. I wouldn't trade that feeling of freedom for anything.
No doubt about it, 1996 was the pinnacle year of destiny for me. My auditory senses were ablaze with the melodic genius of Yanni and Enigma, both of which spurned new realms of imagination. Just as one chapter of my life up until that point was once again turned upside down; a whole, entirely new, exciting chapter emerged from my soul almost simultaneously. All these things were made possible almost entirely by connection to the internet (and by no connection to the internet, as well). It was my year to reach out and touch the rest of the world. Already knowing Spanish and French, I added a few words of Japanese and Dutch to my repetoire by sheer association, alone. This was the third year of hosting a Japanese exchange student. I also "met" a most profoundly intelligent Maltese mentor and was very fortunate to have learned what I could from him regarding psychic telepathy before his untimely death that took him before the new millenium dawned. Exuding forth from the ashes of yet another marriage funeral pyre, I transformed in to the little white dove within the beholding eye of the one who knows from another country, the Netherlands. All things miraculous, magical, magnificent and momentous happened that year...as in 'soulmate'...some of which I'm still holding my breath about because it's all too precious to release out as an exhale; the experience will remain as part of my spirit, forever. I would live my entire life over again for a mere minute encounter with that person again...beyond, beyond...
After the horrific 9-1-1 experience of 2001, (and being through 4 earthquakes by this time) I took a good, hard look at not waiting for the perfect time for anything to occur, as we never know when or if we will be granted another tomorrow in which to do so. I was becomming increasingly tech savy and had my own business website for at least a year by now. I was a featured speaker here and was included in psychic fairs there. After deliberately making wait for 3 years, near the end of the year I finally consented to marry the man with 6 planets in Taurus who was amazed by me. He was a Major in the Civil War. Now that may sound odd, but I believe in reincarnation and by that definition alone he definitely is/was/will be his quintessential self which is highly compatible to yours truly. 'Three' became the charm.
The path of 2006 was strewn with medical obstacles, but also with nuggets of new wisdom. As each stone was carefully overturned, new pathways of tapping in to the infinite were revealed unto me in the realm of parapsychology and remote viewing. It was a year of set-backs, of learning new protocols and technology and of receiving/imparting sweet forgiveness. It was a year after a 6-month trek across 7 states and 2 provinces; feeling free as the flora and fauna I had discovered around me, therein. Travel is absolutely delicious and addicting. So much so, that flying to Las Vegas for a week of fun just couldn't be resisted. It was a year in which merely hearing someone's particular voice was worth more to me than gold and to be a voice with my own internet radio program was an honor in and of itself. It was the year of dance/trance/techno/house music once again filling my spirit with new and wondrous sounds.
So now, I've come to the most recent point in time in which I can look back over these specific 5-year cycles and see how they have shaped me in to who I am today in 2011. Five years ago I attended my first astrological conference and will do so again this year (after 45 years of perpetual study of the subject). I have now lived enough decades to be able to see many things clearly, in hindsight. It allows me to reminisce (and yes pine for) those days of the past that we'd all like to relive over and over again if given half the chance. It also encourages me to prepare for whatever the future holds. All those who have graced my life, if only for a moment in time, shall not go unnoticed or unloved. I shall not merely be a silent, stoic, sassy sage in my twilight years...rather..."rage, rage against the dying of the light"...
http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15377
©2011 Debbie Ballard
No comments:
Post a Comment